if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
