worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
