i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
