Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm always down for nudity.
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