I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
