Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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