you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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