You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
