i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
