on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
