I don't think brook has ever known best
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
