you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the condom got lost in my hair
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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