Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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