I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
