the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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