if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
