At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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