Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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