I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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