People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
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That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
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Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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