Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
