do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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