He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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