so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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