OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Congratulations! We have a period
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
