saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
