You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
