you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
