I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
