i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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