Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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