some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
