Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
