fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I supernannyed him into submission
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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