lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
