If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
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You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize