This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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