she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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