Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
