Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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