i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
