Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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