chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
