Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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