yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
