u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
