So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
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When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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