sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
