god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You need Xanax blowdarts
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
