I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
