Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
