this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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