you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
