Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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