i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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