Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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