we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
