i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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