I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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