Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
