My nipple is on Facebook.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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