I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
