Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
