he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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