I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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