...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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