so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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