Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
