He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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